My journey with HIV began 28 years ago and as I reflect on what a journey it has been – lots of lows but also just as many, if not more highs.

The diagnosis itself was a bag of mixed emotions. As a young black African recently migrated to the UK, having to navigate and adapt to an entirely new culture I have to say I was quite naive. So when I was presented with an HIV positive diagnosis on that fateful April morning in 1996, I wasn’t quite sure what to make of it. Even though I had come from one of the most impacted regions in the world, I had not personally experienced HIV. Therefore, I was confused to say the least – the manner in which the healthcare professionals handled the matter – being overly sensitive when delivering the news, offering all kinds of reassurance and support is what made the experience around my diagnosis even more confusing. Was I about to die? How soon? Did my son have HIV? Did my husbands very poor health status mean, he acquired HIV before me?

All these questions and more went around in my head and there were no answers. The following few months were also a blur. We went about the business of getting affairs in order. Our lives were a series of hospital appointments, housing and immigration interviews and it just seemed like a never ending conveyor belt. All sounds so grim right? And indeed it was! At the time, we were actively being prepared for our passing. Support was cantered around making the lives of people living with HIV as comfortable as possible, as prepared as possible – we prepared Wills and were encouraged to sort out funeral plans.

HOWEVER! I was fortunate to be referred very early on to peer support. I accessed a women’s organisation then known as Positively Women (now Positively UK). Without the support of the women and the organisation as a whole, my life would probably have taken a very different turn.

I believe, it is organisations such as Positively Women that have shaped my knowledge and information and ideals around HIV, that have given me and many other women the voice to be able to walk with my head up high. I had always been a confident young woman in my youth, but was robbed of this as a result of the diagnosis. I was constantly blamed for ‘bringing HIV into the family’. I suffered physical and emotional abuse as a result but with the ongoing support of various community organisations and networks, I eventually was able to gain back my confidence.

This is how I became a part of 4M Mentor Mothers Network. In a nutshell, having gone through the process of having my second child after my diagnosis, I attended the residential course for women to become mentors for other women going through the same journey. It led me to also undertake the Train the Trainers course where I acquired the skills to train other women to become mentors. I have gone from strength to strength developing and acquiring skills and knowledge to become a speaker, trainer and mentor for other women living with HIV.

Though 4M started as a project within a much larger organisation, it became it’s own entity in 2016 and it has not looked back since. I have had the honour of working alongside some quite influential women in HIV, with whom I am co-director of 4M Net. I have built a large support network of wonderful women from all walks of life who continuously support and empower each other. 4M is not only a safe haven for women living with HIV from all walks of life, it is a movement and we are going from strength to strength.

Today I am where I am because I stand on the shoulders of other women before me!!

Rebecca Mbewe